Review: Stephen King’s It (2017)

   “Would you like a balloon?” a seemingly innocuous question made terrifying by a book released over 20 years ago. Stephen King’s It has been making people afraid of clowns and red balloons for two decades. Ask anyone the scariest clown movie they have ever seen, I guarantee your most popular answer will be “It” They of course would be talking about the 1990 made-for-TV movie starring the infamous Tim Curry. It has been a common misconception from the announcement of this film that it is a remake of the original. This is not the case. It is actually based on the novel. A refreshing notion. I have been patiently waiting for this film for over a year. Last night, my waiting had paid off and I settled into my IMAX movie seat ready for my heart to pound and the chills to wash over me. While this film has so many great moments, it failed to capture the true horror of Stephen King’s novel and wasted some big opportunities.

  Derry, Maine is like any small town. Or is it. Children are beginning to disappear at an alarming rate. After Bill Denbrough’s (Jaeden Lieberher) little brother Georgie joins the missing, Bill bands together with some neighborhood kids to battle the monster that is the sum of all their fears. I have to say, these kids impressed the hell out of me. All of them did a bang up job in their respective rolls. If they are this awesome in their early teens, I cannot wait to see what they will do as adults. Lieberher and Finn Wolfhard (the kid from Stranger Things) who plays Ritchie Tozier were truly the standouts in the pack. They were funny, genuine but still vulnerable. The unresolved feelings Bill has about his brother’s disappearance are palpable and his reconciliation is heartbreaking. The performance that really made this film was Bill Skarsgard’s Pennywise. The man had a lot to live up to and he really made the performance his own. Everything about him was on point. His voice, his eyes, his expressions all combined to make a monster that people will be talking about for years to come. So where did “It” go wrong? Director Andy Muschietti had an opportunity to push the envelope and make a truly terrifying and disturbing piece of cinema and he didn’t. When a horror movie is rated R, I expect rated R violence. This was at best, PG-13. I feel, because there were children involved, the truly horrifying and disturbing aspects of this story were severely downplayed. If the entire movie would have been as violent and intense as the opening scene, this film would have been unstoppable. This is the problem we come across time and time again in modern horror cinema. Everything is safe. In recent years I have seen very few horror movie directors take things to the extreme. I would have liked to see this movie go there and instead it felt like it was being held back. As Rob Zombie once said “Art is not safe.” This film felt far too safe for my liking.

  Stephen King’s It is feast for the senses. The visuals are beautiful and the score and sound design are hair raising on their own. The feeling of looming terror peppered with humor and heart is something that is not easily done and it was executed perfectly. I have always felt that this story is about the loss of innocence. As a kid, you know there are things that you are afraid of and that can hurt you but they are only ever really in your nightmares. Articulating the things you fear somehow makes them more real and as you grow up you will come face to face with them. This is a coming of age horror that is creepy and intense but in the end, leaves you wanting. With a sequel already in the works there is a chance that it can be everything this movie was supposed to be. “It” is here to strike fear into a new generation of movie goers and remind those old dogs like myself why you should never walk too close to a storm drain and that the shadows of our childhood fears are still alive and well. 

Review: As Above So Below (2014)

 You know when you see a trailer for a movie and you think to yourself “Dang that movies looks super creepy! I can’t wait to watch it!” Then you watch it and are severely disappointed? Yeah that was my experience with As Above So Below. I saw the trailer for this movie right before it was released in 2014. With the found footage boom in full swing, this film fit right in with the rest. So why am I just now reviewing this film? Well because I watched it for the first time only two days ago. I honestly don’t know why I waited so long to watch it. Maybe because I knew deep down that this film was too good to be true. Before I get into this review let me give you a little background on the setting of this film, the catacombs of Paris. Established in 1738, the catacombs are a network of underground ossuaries and old mines which hold the remains of more than 6 million people. It is believed that the network of tunnels is over 200 miles long and about 20 meters down but considering no one has actually explored the whole network (and lived to tell about it) these are estimations. Now that you have a little history on the setting, you might be more understanding of my review.

 Scarlet Marlowe (Perdita Weeks) is a young alchemy scholar who is on the hunt for the fabled Philosopher’s Stone (better known as the Sorcerer’s Stone to you Harry Potter fans. Yes, it’s a real thing.) With a camera man, Benji (Edwin Hodge) in tow she enlists the help of her ex-boyfriend, George (Ben Feldman) to discover the location of the stone. Well unfortunately for everyone the location just happens to be in a secret chamber deep within the Catacombs. After enlisting the help of some Cataphiles (urban explorers who illegally enter the underground mines and catacombs of Paris) they enter the catacombs rather forcibly after being followed by a police officer who tries to stop them. As they journey deeper into the mines they realize that everything is not what it seems. This movie really did have the potential to be great. I am not saying that there weren’t some scenes that made my heart race because I am extremely claustrophobic. The idea of being stuck underground is literally my worst nightmare. I hate cheap jump scares and this film uses them ad nauseam. They acting is alright, there are times when I cringed at the over acting that was happening and times when I was surprised at the genuine fear the actors conveyed. The scene where cameraman Benji becomes stuck while crawling through a tunnel full of bones made me feel short of breath. The ending of this film leaves a lot to be desired. Honestly, this was one of those films that could have benefited from no resolution. What do I always say? Altogether now, less is more! I don’t understand how you can work with such a cool location so steeped in history and shrouded in mystery and manage to not come up with something more than stone demons. Yes, you read that correctly.

  I really wanted to like this movie. I wanted this to be a beacon of hope in the mass of terrible found footage films but alas, I was terribly disappointed. Chalk it up to a combination of over acting, an abundance of glaringly obvious plot holes, story lines that seem to go nowhere and a resolution more befitting of a 90’s thriller than a horror movie. I felt this film was somehow subdued in the production process. Like a way more intense cut was originally filmed but someone in the production office vetoed it and we were stuck with this nonsense. Or maybe this film was meant to be this way and I am just giving it too much credit. Final verdict, the only way this movie is going to give you any heart palpitations is if you are claustrophobic and even then, they won’t last long. This film is a testament to the fact that a film cannot rely on location alone to make it scary. Even if it is a 279 year old underground boneyard. 

AHS: Cult S7 E1 Review: Election Night

  It’s that time of year again. When the air begins to chill and the leaves begin to fall. This signals the arrival of a new season of American Horror Story. I would be lying if I was a little bit hesitant of the seventh season considering season six was such a disaster but my faith in Ryan Murphy remained steadfast as I watched the clues for the theme of the new season unravel. Murphy loves a good riddle. He released teaser image after teaser image and it sure was fun to watch the internet speculate. With the big reveal of the title at the San Diego Comi-con, American Horror Story: Cult looked like it was going to be going back to the original format with an opening credit sequence and regular narrative. For long time fans, this was a welcome development. Early on it was announced that the show’s theme would have a political tone. With a hinting at clowns, trypophobia and the return of Twisty the clown, this season was the one we didn’t know we needed.

 Episode 1 started off with a bang. It’s Election Night 2016.  Sara Paulson is Ally, a woman with crippling anxiety and phobias that put insane stress on her partner Ivy (Alison Pill) and their son, Ozzy. They are only made worse after the results of Trump winning the presidency. Kai, played by Evan Peter’s is an almost fanatical Trump supporter who is all too ready for the revolution to begin. Winter, played by Billie Lourd (the late Carrie Fisher’s daughter to those of you who didn’t know) is Kai’s sister is heard lamenting over her dropping out of Vasser to campaign for Hillary. She and her brother share some sort of weird pinky promise handshake where Kai asks her a lot of weird questions you would probably never want to ask your sister. The effect of Election Night is clear in all of these characters. Their lives soon intertwine when Winter is hired as Ally and Ivy’s nanny.  It’s clear she is there at the urging of her brother who seems to have some master plan to help The Donald in his cause to “Make America Great Again.” This is no more obvious in a scene where he pisses into a condom and tosses it at a group of Mexican’s, yelling racial slurs and causing them to beat him up, all the while videotaping it. Episode one has some great creepy moments. Ally being tormented in an empty grocery store by a group of people in some of the scariest clown masks I have ever seen, Winter making Ozzy watch people being murdered on the “Dark Web” (which you cannot get to with Google. THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!) And the return of Twisty the Clown from Season 4. While it was only in a comic book, it was still creepy as ever.

 This season is going to be a dark one. Not only because of the creep factor being high, but because of the current political climate of our Country. The characters are a pretty decent representation of extremes on both sides. The uber liberal left who believe Trump is the antichrist and the fanatical bordering on Fascism right who take our President’s word as Gospel. The visuals are terrifying and visceral as usual but the subtlety that Ryan Murphy manages to weave throughout his shows is insane. From the tiny clustered holes in the clown masks creating a phobia-ception to the words in the speech Kai makes to the city council, the nuances and small details of this show are just too perfect. The title of the show rang so true with me. I am not political but I know people who are and like any organized group there are certain aspects that remind you of Jonestown or Heaven’s Gate. Those so fanatical in their devotion to their leader that they will defend them and their ideas to the death. Episode one was a hit, a perfect way to kick off a season of redemption. American Horror Story is back, with a vengeance. 

Review: Rings (2017)

Sequels are almost never a good idea when it comes to horror movies and if sequels are never a good idea, then 3^rd installments should rarely be attempted. Sure, there are some that have made their mark but for every good horror movie sequel or 3^rd installment there are 3 horrible ones. I waited to write this review because well, I was feeling rather uninspired. Let me preface this by saying The Ring and Ringu are pretty great movies. I didn’t even mind the sequel to be honest. This movie is in a class all its own and while there were some moments that had me a little creeped out, I was glad I didn’t pay money to see it.

I am honestly a little mad at myself for even getting my hopes up about this movie. Why do I do this to myself? Glutton for punishment or maybe just hopeful that someone will make a decent horror movie? I guess a little of both. If you have seen The Ring then you know all about Samara and her cursed VHS tape. If not, let me give you the low down on this story. Rings picks up several years after the sequel left off but unfortunately there is no Naomi Watts and her creepy little boy, Aiden. Instead we have Julia (Matilda Lutz). After her boyfriend Holt (Alex Roe) leaves for college she becomes concerned after he stops contacting her. She soon becomes embroiled in the dark urban legend of Samara and her cursed tape and she must figure out a way to stop it before it’s too late. Does any of this sound familiar? I guess I should mention that there has been a digital update in that the VHS has been replaced with a video file but that is the only thing different about this story. I think I had such high hopes for this film because it was directed by F. Javier Gutiérrez, the director of the Evil Dead reboot. The guy has a great eye and grasp of horror and I figured he would take this and give us something new and fresh but all I got was a recycled story and scare gags. If I’ve seen one water damaged girl come out a TV, I have seen them all.

I wish I could find something nice to say about this movie but I really can’t. Even the acting was sub par. While Matilda Lutz is enduring as the concerned and slightly reckless girlfriend, I found it damn near impossible to focus on her performance because all I could focus on was her panting like a St. Bernard in 90 degree weather. Roe was alright but certainly not memorable.  Johnny Galecki (Big Bang Theory) plays Holt’s professor Gabriel who drags him into this whole clusterfuck and while he was certainly the most watchable, he couldn’t save this mess. Even a veteran actor like Vincent D’Onofrio who plays the blind cemetery caretaker couldn’t make this any good. This film is predictable and you can see what’s coming a mile away. It tried to pull a Gore Verbinski and give you some kind of trick ending but it was sloppy and ineffective. While there were one or two scenes I found visually appealing I felt like this was a movie that was doomed from the get go. I would also like to point out that there is another “Rings” it was a short film that takes place directly before the events of the sequel and even lines up perfectly with the beginning. It’s a really great short film, maybe Rings (2017) should have taken notes.

I realize that a lot of my reviews are negative. Truth be told, I am not hard to please. I just am notorious for holding filmmakers accountable for the content they produce. Rings is a movie that never had a chance in hell. The original Japanese and American versions are tough acts to follow and the sequel pushed its luck. There has to come a time when you accept that a franchise is dead and if you resurrect it, you run the risk of making a movie that people are not going to enjoy. If you are doing it for the money, I suggest you re-evaluate your profit margin. This film barely broke even making just 2 million dollars over the budget.  I was rooting for you Rings but I think it’s time Samara stop crawling out of TV’s, retire to her well and let the legacy of The Ring  rest in peace.

Review: Split (2017)

You all may have read my rant about the hate Split was getting because of the way it “Vilified people with mental health issues” and “Perpetuated stereotypes”. Well I finally saw the movie myself last night and my argument still stands and in fact, it was strengthened. Split may not be M. Night Shyamalan’s greatest triumph but it is a testament to his genius camera work, ability to build tension and impeccable casting. Yes, the antagonist in this story has Dissociative Identity Disorder (or DID) but this film does an amazing job at explaining the disorder and bringing to light the fascinating and almost supernatural abilities of those afflicted.

The storyline of this film is simple but it is effective. 3 teenage girls are kidnapped by a man with DID, 23 separate personalities in all. The girls don’t quite understand what the purpose of the kidnapping is but they soon find out that it coincides with the unleashing of a 24th identity known only as “The Beast”. I would give a little more about the story but I am really trying hard to not give away too much. Shyamalan movies are so much better the less you know going into them. He is a master at building tension and nowhere is that more obvious than his camera movement and placement choices.They are intimate and often times you feel as if you should be moving your eyes around the screen to notice some hidden meaning in the shots. I found that somewhat difficult with this film as the cast was incredible. I have been a longtime fan of James McAvoy and this is honestly one of his best roles yet. It is a difficult task for an actor to portray one character let alone multiple very different ones. I found myself enamored with his ability to transition so seamlessly from one personality to the next. One of his personalities, Hedwig, is a 9-year-old boy who has some pretty funny lines. It was fascinating to hear the audience laugh but then at the same time remember that he is a grown man who has kidnapped 3 teenage girls and is planning something horrible for them. It’s that uncomfortable space between humor and fear that you hover sometimes in horror films and in my opinion, that is a balance that is often not captured effectively. While this film had some high points, it was slightly underwhelming. I always look forward to Shyamalan movies to blow my mind with a twist that I did not see coming but this one was slightly predictable. He did, however, manage to sneak in a throwback to one of his older movies and it was done in a clever way. The only downside to this being that if you haven’t the movie he is referencing, you would have no idea what was going on. This was pretty evident when I gasped and my bestie Christine said: “Wait….who is that?”

I really wanted to address the claims that this film vilifies and further stigmatizes people with mental illness. Now that I have seen the film, I can say that while the protagonist does have DID, this film does an incredible job of explaining the illness and making it somewhat easier to digest. I have been around people with DID. It is exhausting and takes a lot of patience. The role of his psychiatrist, Dr. Karen Fletcher (Betty Buckley….fun fact, she played Grizabella in the original Broadway production of Cats!) is one that I really did enjoy. I felt she truly cared about McAvoy’s character and wanted to help him. The argument that this film vilifies people with mental illness is unfounded and sounds like the whining of those who also stand on their social media soapboxes and scream at their echo chambers. I find this film actually sheds light on a disorder that has otherwise been shrouded in mystery and fear making it accessible and fascinating.

Split is an exciting, tension-filled film that blends horror, thriller and some comedy with ease. While the twist isn’t what we have come to normally expect from Shyamalan, it is one that his longtime fans will appreciate and respect. The controversy surrounding this film isn’t even a controversy. It is the common practice of the special snowflakes who feel the need to create issues where there are none. See this movie is only just for the acting. It makes you wonder, is there a Beast that lurks within all of us?